If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
