I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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