just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize