Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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