why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
