saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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