That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
