how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
