I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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