If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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