i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
