On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
