how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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