my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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