I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
