I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
