dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize