lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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