i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
