Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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