oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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