update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
