He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
