Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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