fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize