My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
