bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
