I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Already got asked if we're dating
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
