i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
