Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
