i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
