Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
