oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
