Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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