my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize