There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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