Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
