Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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