Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
