Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
