News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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