I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
