Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
