My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
