so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
