if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
