Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize