He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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