just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
