Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
