My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
