Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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