we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
