dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize