you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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