your parents love me but you hate me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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