There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How naked do you want me to be?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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