i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
