2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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