i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
