hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
