sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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