this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
