Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize