so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
