i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
