He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
