Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
