He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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