my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
